The Epilogue.

Well, well, well. Look who came craaaaawling back. I'm back in the land of the living after an incredibly turbulent couple of months. Talking about it now almost feels like a eulogy to the 'what if?'s rather than the reality of what was. As it turns out, despite my best efforts, my luck and health didn't improve much and I had to admit defeat and come home. Beeeeew. I'll not delve into, or dwell on it too much, but whatever it is affected me enough so that I couldn't have any life whatsoever outside of work. In that kind of situation where, everything you want becomes a dangling carrot, it's incredibly hard to let go, but eventually I had little choice. I'm not in any life-threatening condition, but it was easily the hardest turns of events I've had thrown at me, and I'm in almost constant state of relief that I got through it and got home. As with the majorities of memories though, I know I'll remember the good times, and hope to pick them up again once I hopefully get sorted out.

It would seem that moving from one situation to another one of relief is purely preferred because it's home, it's familiar, it's forgiving. There's a grounding in familiar faces, streets, food and weather that makes you re-fall in love with even the forlorn frailties of home, and get a fresh perspective on somewhere you had long felt gone stale. Like Scrooge's awakening, after his brush with The Ghost of a Japanese Christmas. What I've since learned is that it's easily possible for that kind of scenario to manifest itself as a honeymoon from out of the frying pan and into the fire. Not so much a 'the grass is always greener' situation, but the birth of new beginnings with their own mutated trials and tribulations that come at the cost of having lived, worked and travelled abroad, alone.

I'm aware that I'm probably not making much sense here, but without wanting to make this an elitist rambling, I would hope that others who have lived abroad, or away from home can understand the level of inarticulable confusion that I'm dealing with at the moment. The main one being job prospects. Everyone knows how difficult the job market is at the moment, but just how quite soul destroying it can be when you've worked hard to reach a level of job satisfaction, only to be unable to contain it, and then miss out on jobs way down on that very same scale, whilst being simultaneously over-qualified for is something, along with naivety, that has been a perilously steep learning curve for me.

People who know me, will know that I'm very self aware, and possibly too apologetic of my personality for it, but this is about the journey I've been on, and when you're unemployed, there are perhaps more personal, mental journeys than you care to wish for. I'm aware that this is all more than a little insular and self serving, but it's also quite cathartic for me in a way that I can't quite grasp. If other people read this and they relate to it, then I'd like to think the shared servility to our own psyches can somehow provide some kind of solution to my, or their predicament.

This is where I would normally mock myself, and now is no different. Deep as a puddle, me. The Caspian Puddle, ahah....ahah...........ahah. Christ, maybe I shouldn't have written this on the day of four job rejections, it's all a little bit sad face. Make no mistake though, this is temporary, I have no intention of allowing this reign of terror to have any lasting effect on my life. So long as the reign of terror doesn't become my life. My ambition to be the very best person I can be will never hide. For anyone that meets me during this time, I feel for you in a way that only Chaka Khan can comprehend.

It's a little bit of a sweet and sour (no pun intended) note to end this series of blogs on, considering the joy and intention in my earlier blogs, but even if this is only for me to read at a future time: right now, in this situation, having left not just so much, but so much unloved and short-lived potential behind to go to Japan, missing my family and friends tremendously, my time in Japan ending on an unhappy note, and then coming back to almost blindly rebuild again. Quite honestly, I don't regret it, and I hope I take the same risks again. I don't ever want to be a self-congratulating martyr behind my own regret. Look to the sun and you'll see no shadows, and all that. Now, let us dance like it 'twas 1967.

'Are we still moving?'

Ahoy stranger. I haven't taken to penning this blog in a while for a few different reasons, all of which are from a knock on effect of this main perpetrator: Being poorly. Any family member who's reading this needn't worry, I'm not in any pain, or in any way life-threatened, but my diagnosis is that I've either picked up some kind of bug, or I have a food intolerance. I get my blood test results back in a day or so, and knowing my recent luck I'll probably be allergic to rice, or oxygen, or something.

I thought about not bothering to write this entry, because I imagined it likely to be viewed as ungrateful in contrast to the fact that I'm in an incredible place, where I meet, and talk to great, interesting people pretty much every day. I knew I couldn't write an entry without mentioning these things, and worried that if my family (particularly my Mam) read that I was unwell, then it would make them worry. But then, I know that I'm O.K, and they don't have to worry, and really I can't ignore this chapter in time, whilst in Japan. Without Winter, there is no Summer, and all that.

So in the last month I've been a bit ill, then I attempted to pull myself together and go to Kyoto to meet some friends, but I couldn't afford it because I'd had to pay bills and all that other really unimportant stuff. Then my laptop broke at the very start of the World Cup, meaning I had to buy a crappy new one just to watch England matches, that then would have been better left unwatched.

If you think this is 'woe is me' just keep reading.

So then I played in a football match with other teachers and students vs some local doctors. I played in defence, everything was going well, we kept a clean sheet in the first match. Then in the second match I was asked if I would go in goal (not because I'm bad outfield, just because I'm the tallest person in Japan) and then disaster! Someone took a shot that was straight at me, at about head height. It hit me in the head, and my full head actually fell off! Nah, I saved it....into the goal. My boss calls it butterfingers, I blame the ball, which I will forever claim was a jubilani. Oh, and the sun was in my eyes, I was distracted by an owl, and someone blew a vuvuzela in my ear. So then, needless to say in the second half I went back into defence, played a back pass too short and they scored. At that point I was almost tempted to leave the field/Japan, but I stayed on and got an assist. We still won, but I'll feel forever emasculated until I atone for it by scoring a Messi special. To make matters worse, I now have an ingrown toenail...lush.

Enough with this Psychiatrist bullsheeeet!

So, the World Cup, absolutely rubbish! Easily the worst World Cup I've seen (I started watching from '94 onwards) in general, and the worst World Cup performance I've seen from England (Even in '94 when we weren't there) Watching matches at 3.30am was a bit of a pain, but that Algeria match actually offended me. I had to go to work 3 hours after it finished, and I was actually angry that the players had got me to stay up to watch it. Everyone's come out with all the negative superlatives to describe it, but I'll keep it simple: Worst.Ever.

On that day I went to work, and there was what is scientifically known as A Fucking Massive Earthquake. It was a 5 on the Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff Scale. It was a bit scary, but a total rush at the same time, it went on for about a minute, and grew and grew. Having had three hours sleep, and already feeling a bit unwell had a kind of motion sickness effect on me, and I thought it was still happening about 3 minutes after it was finished, which had me asking 'Are we still moving?' to a student. I remember being on an earthquake simulator at The Natural History Museum in London last year, and it simulated the Kobe earthquake from a few years ago. At the time I thought 'that's nowt!', but it's a totally different story when it's for real, it's like being on a boat in a storm you can't see. Devotees to my life will know that I'm often guilty of underestimating things; Waltzers, the size of meals/knickerbocker glories etc, but this was something else.

Koriyama was on the NHK (Japan's BBC) News a few days ago, because on Tuesday we had rain of mental proportions. The front of Koriyama station was flooded up to my knees, and many Japanese people had to tread water (ahoooooo!), The following day was pretty bad too, the river next to my house (pictured) has a small island that splits the water flow, well last Wednesday that island wasn't there, the river level had quaffed it, the sign that's on the bridge I cross every day and has arrows with 10m, 20m etc wasn't there. Looking over the bridge, the water was about 5 metres away, when it's usually 15-20. Saying that, it's good to know that my flat is relatively safe from the perils of torrential rain. That's the worst Koriyama has had in years, and my flat was unscathed.

So yes, in all a bit of a strange month of so, illness, injury, poverty, natural disasters, storms and sulking.

I'm aware that this all probably seems a bit ungrateful, but don't for a second think that I'm being overly complacent, or pessimistic. It's merely just what's happened, not so much a don't shoot the messenger, but a don't shoot the receiver, either. I'm still having a brilliant time, in spite of the few negative aspects of this month, and I wouldn't change any of my surroundings one bit. Quite often I say out loud to myself 'you're still in Japan man!', and hopefully with that outlook, the end of rainy season will come with better luck. Over and out.

OH HAI!

I thought I better post another blog before my memories fade into unremembered history, as anything that's older than a month or two older usually does with me.

Since the last post I've been to Tokyo, settled in a little bit more, learned a little bit more, smiled a little bit more, invested in some Japanese musical instruments, and become weirdly domesticated.

Best start with Tokyo, I think. At first I thought I should write about it straight after visiting, but in hindsight I think a couple of weeks contemplation has been worth it. It's not that I think I'm going to articulate my thoughts into anything that has never been said about Tokyo before, more that experiencing Tokyo takes a little while to articulate into anything comparable, or even anything really.

On my way to Tokyo, the idea that I had about the place was that it would be this huge Neon, Blade Runner-esque behemoth of a city that would span beyond the horizon, and would make me feel totally anonymous, and that it would be filled with loads of unique eccentricities, amazingly massive shops, and that I'd find loads of things that you can't get anywhere else. That was the idea that I had, and the reason I went. But weirdly, my experience was nothing like that. I should have known, but the idea of truly capturing in an instant, or a series of events, a Metropolis like Tokyo is probably impossible. I realised pretty quickly and thought 'ah, I'll go to a viewing tower and look over the city.' Totally impossible, I may as well have tried comparing an atom and the universe because I couldn't even get to the stage where the scale made me feel uneasy, it was just totally unfathomable, because there was nowhere I found where I could go 'woah, Tokyo!' with Vangelis playing in my head.

Still, that might have been what I was searching for, and even though I failed to procure such a tall order, I was still mightily impressed. The neon in Shinjuku is unbelievable, for what it is. I spent most of the time heading in one direction before being distracted by something else, and following my interest until I realised that I'd only actually been to one place. Hahaha. Shibuya is probably the best place that I went to for the Urban Sprawl side of things, purely because it was busy as anything, but it was really stylish, and classy, whereas Shinjuku is a bit dirty. Speaking of which, I kept getting asked to go into seedy bars and after a few times of 'nah, it's not my kind of thing.' and having the people try everything to get me to go in, I finally opted to just say 'je ne comprende pas' the final time someone asked. Ironically it was them who surrendered. Weeeeeey.

So, that's what I went for, but it was actually the little gardens and parks that blew me away the most. Koishikawa Gardens in Jimbocho needs to be visited by anyone who ever goes to Tokyo. It's the oldest garden in Tokyo, and it's nothing short of stunning. It has a weird mix of feeling like you're both in your back garden, and in the wild. A lake, copious waterfalls and bridges, with Koi everywhere, with old stone walkways that make you feel like you're part of an adventure book. It pains me to use this word, but it really was, truly moving.

The nightlife was a funny one. I went to Roppongi where all the foreigners go, but I think I went out of the wrong exit; that coupled with some stubborn thought that I should go where I can't rely upon English meant that I went back on the Subway and went to Shibuya. I ended up in some dodgy looking club that was playing, quite frankly FUCKING AMAZING old school hip hop. Snoop, Biggy, Tupac, De La Soul, Luniz, Warren G...for a second there I thought I was accepting an award for 'Whitest Person Alive', but seriously the music was immense, I was in my element. However, it turns out that I can't speak Japanese, whoda funk it? Duuur. I think I asked someone how to use the locker, which went ok. But other than asking people if they like the music, and replying with either 'it's interesting', 'it's great' or 'it's delicious' (guess which one I chose) I'm struggling. I knew what would happen, so it's not really naivety. I just probably wont do it again until my Japanese gets better.


There's a lot more I could add, but those are the memories I'll take, so I won't bother with any frilly bits.



Since then I came back to Koriyama and started making music again. Having just been paid I decided to finally get an analog synth delivered from Tokyo. For those that know anything about it, it's a Yamaha CS20m, and it is bloody brilliant, especially for the price. I also got a second hand Yamaha acoustic for the equivalent of £50, which is an absolute bargain. So I've decided to start getting the pieces of the puzzle in and record an E.P, hopefully one to be able to start a band with when I get home. That's the plan anyway.

Today I went to Inawashiro Lake, which is barely worth mentioning as an experience to be honest. I've been meaning to go for a couple of weeks, but the weather's stopped me. So I went today, and it was a bit rubbish in all honesty. It's turns out that it's just this really fucking massive lake. I dunno what I was expecting really. I didn't want to spend the time or money to try all of the beaches (the taxi had cost £15 for a five minute journey) so there'll probably be more to it than what I saw, but it's not really a haven of activity, or beauty for me to go back any time soon.

I still weirdly find so much joy in doing things like riding around on my bike listening to music, I like knowing that even in this environment, I haven't been spoiled, and I still enjoy really simple things like that.

I had a moment the other day where I realised I was getting a bit older. I was out on my bike and it started raining, and my first thought was 'oh no, my washing!'....worrying.

I'll leave it on that note, and try to update more regularly so I don't have to type out ridiculously long blogs like this again. Ja!

Why does it always rain on me.....day off.

Eeeh, hiya! Sorry I didn't see you there, I was too busy living in Japan.

This week has been surreal, as my body has slowly started to swapsy it's hours from UK to Japan time, I've had such a disproportionate sense of time that all of my efforts to do anything have been met with a war of attrition between my mind and my body. So this week, rather than really truly explore, I've settled a little more and tried to get my bearings. Today's day off, rainy, or not, has been really welcomed.

Despite being a bit blurry eyed and feeling like a dot to dot drawing, I still managed to draw (heh!) enough energy together to do as much as possible last week. I freewheeled around on my bike to an absolutely fucking MASSIVE (seriously, capitals are needed) sports shop. They have a trainers section bigger than most other shops, I know sports shops arent exactly something you'll read about here and think 'Fuck! Those Japs have got some whacky shops like!', but I have a point. I was walking around proudly in my Newcastle top (Fucking Get in by the way!) and this Japanese man shouted over 'OI, AMEOBI!'. Obviously I didn't for a second think that he meant Newcastle's Legendary (!) number 23, but that 'Ameobi' must be Japanese for something like 'Can I help?' or something, so I shouted back 'Sorry, I don't speak Japanese.' (In Japanese) and after some awkwardness the bloke goes 'No, I mean "Do you like Ameobi?' I felt like a bit of a dick for automatically assuming he was speaking Japanese, but then 'Ameobi' as a word isn't all that English, like. Either way, after a bit of talk about football, including questions such as 'Oh, so Keegan quit then?' which were met with winced words, and looks around in every direction looking for an answer, we swapped numbers and when my work goes out for a drink next, I'll invite him. Days off: 1, Friends made: 1. Good conversion rate, that.

After that I thought I best see what unique features Koriyama has to offer, so I went to the park and wandered around for a bit. It wasn't quite Cherry Blossom season yet, but the park is still canny. There was a plants, and flower market on so I got a few plants for my flat and awkwardly tried to speak very basic Japanese with an old man who was the Japanese version of Monty Cheddar from Chip 'N' Dale.

The scenery in the park is quite fitting for what I've experienced so far. In one glance you'll see a traditional bridge amongst a calm looking park with weeping willows and Cherry trees, and behind that there's a beast of a bustling city, with advertisements attempting to steal every inch of the sky with the nebulous din of everything you associate with a perpetually functioning city. Beyond that the horizon is abruptly interrupted by a massive set of snow topped mountains.

I don't want to make any sweeping, or lazy observations (yet), but certainly so far, that image says a lot about what I've come across in Japan. Everything seperate, but side by side. Walking down Sakura Street, and the street is a total contrast in styles, but none are mixed or developed. It's old, or its new, without alteration. Shrines are untouched, new buildings show no sign of ever having been anything but that. If you go into just about any Pound Stretcher looking shops in Japan and it's crazy in a way that you wouldn't expect. I expected an attack on the senses, but, when your perceptions are so resoundingly grounded in the UK, it's surprising to go into a shop that looks like the £1 shop and find not just things like key-rings, and other general crap that my sister would have bought with her pocket money when she was 10, but things like £600 Nixon Watches, £4,000 Louis Vuitton bags, and then there's bargains too. There's no way of saying that one shop sells bargains, or one shop is expensive because they're all extortionate, they're all cheap. There's no rule. When you're walking around, it's hard to decide whether it's all food for the senses, or an attack on them. If one section is selling stereos, then a stereo is on, if one section has CDs, a CD is on, if one section has TVs, a TV is on with sound. And then there's the continuous sound of the shops very own jingle that plays over and over, and the cries of 'si ma saaaay' ('Welcome to the store') from the staff in every shop. This is all within quite a confined environment meaning that you hear it all, unless you hone your senses. I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make, but everything, not just in shops, is on, everything is there, It's just bloody mental, and I love it!

Any shop you visit has an unbelievable range too, it feels like they have everything of everything if the shop is specified down to something like electronics, shoes, or clothes. Speaking of which, I visited an Urban Outfitters type shop, where the range was almost glutinous. I got some Levis 501s for £7, which is just ridiculous really.

I don't want to talk about shops too much, because in a couple of weeks I'm going to Tokyo for Golden Week, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of ammo to talk about that then, but it really is that element of Japan that's got to me the most so far. Not the ubiquity of vending machines on the streets, or the 'chorus milk' (watered down milk that people buy due to the high lactose intolerance in Japan), or the cleanliness, or the receiving of money, or anything with two hands, and never one. It's all of it, and it's all in the shops.

Work has been a real treat too so far. I'm not very good with the lower level students, because they've learned specific commands that I keep forgetting, but the higher level lessons are brilliant, because you're constantly challenged to explain the differences between relative clauses, simple past, continuous present etc, and it's amazing when you notice that look of understanding when you just know that it's clicked with a student. Old Japanese women trying to say 'cant' and 'bank account' and coming out with 'c**t' and 'bang a c**t' also had me so creased, it was almost origami. (waheeey!)

I still need to visit Koriyama Planetarium, because it was closed the last time I tried, but truthfully I'm desperate to get out of Koriyama and see, not just Tokyo, but much more of the rural side of Japan. al geet find mesel nd that. dubble cush m8.
But seriously, I fancy trying the hot springs, and somehow offending someone.

I'll leave it at that, it's getting a bit like Japan: The Dissertation by Michael McNally, so I'll leave it for a bit, and unless something astounding happens, update after, or during Golden Week.

So...I'm here, and let's get it out of the way straight away; Japan is fucking outstanding, there's not a person I don't meet, a corner I don't turn, or a thing I don't see where I fail to be anything short of humbled, overfilled with cannyapathy, or totally gobsmacked. Koriyama is hardly even mentioned in any guide book on Japan, aside from being a gateway to somewhere else, but in truth it's massive, about 5 times the size of Newcastle, possibly more (although that might have something to do with me getting lost every day)I'm finding it hard to explain exactly what it is that I love so much, most of it usually involves me going on bike rides by the river during the day where, despite being so close to the city, everything is really peaceful, and then coming back on a night time, when I love bombing through the back alleys with there being only a little bit of light, and loads of really fun, downhill shortcuts, it makes me feel like I'm in the Goonies a bit too. In all I spend most of these times cycling around, saying out loud 'this is abso-lutely fu-cking brilliant!' with a massive smile on my face.

My job so far is pretty cool, I get on really well with my boss, and I had my first lesson today with intermediate students. Aside from saying 'spot on!' and them looking at me like I was a pigeon in a top hat, or something else peculiarly arbitrary, and then being asked what the difference between 'everyone' and 'anyone'is, and having to think on the spot, I think I did OK. Everything is about the students having fun, which helps a lot, and though doing everything in a conversation, you soon realise that you've taught a lot more than was originally intended.

Conversely, my Japanese is still absolutely shocking, and aside from saying please, thank you, excuse me, and after you, I'm pretty much a useless article. I'll get better though.

I'll wrap it up here before I start to babble. Next week I think I'm going to mosey on down to the township of TOKYOOOOOOOOH! So I imagine that will bring plenty to talk about. Shi goto o shi mas.

Oh aye, and christ, 50 inch HD tellies for 300 squids. Fuuuuuuurk.

Nihon ne iki ma sho ka? HAI!

Areet! At this stage it feels strange, because I'm writing to no one, bellowing into the darkness without knowing who's reading, if at all. So aye, this blog is for anyone that's interested in my anecdotes about my adventures in the noodle-belly, basket-case that is Japan. At this stage it's non-existent. I leave in 9 days to embark on a 35 hour journey, I don't even know how, if it's even possible, to prepare for that kind of trek. I do know that by the end I'll be, what the French call 'le knackered', though. More to come when I actually get there...